Emotional Pain – What Do I Do?

by Alison Rodgers

It’s raining outside my office window, great sheets of water falling from a suddenly darkened sky.  That is one of the things that I love about May; everything changes from my view here by the window.  A break in the cloud brings a full compliment of sun, and the rain drops lessen, like little diamonds falling in that clear air…and within a few minutes, the clouds have raced on to another place, taking the water to another yard, scattering life all around.

I am actively choosing to be at peace although my insides are warring with the thought today.  I considered that for a while, the emotional changes that we all grow through – yes, that is intentional – and I came down to this.  It’s just part of life.  You’ve got to love the rain and the sun, the night and the day.  If you’re dealing with emotional pain as I am today start here:

Use a box
If your pain is from the loss of a family member, relationship or close person, put away anything that reminds you of the source. If you can’t toss the pictures, email and letters, print them out and put them in a box. Ditch the phone case and get a new one; give yourself a few days break from technology. If there is one, lose the “favorite” movie, the favorite shirt, the music, the blanket, whatever it was.  Put all the stuff that reminds you in a box, tape it shut and then tape it some more.  Write yourself a love letter telling yourself that it’s okay and tape that to the top, too.  You’re not disrespecting the person…you’re practicing self care.

Stop wearing “matching” jewelery
Take off the ring, bracelet, necklace or pendant that keeps you tied to that person.  Grow past them.

Try not to go mental
As a person of faith, I can attest that there are lots of unexplained things out there ~ but the delusion that you’re needing to break a generational curse or soul tie because you loved someone deeply and they died or decided to leave ~ it’s a delusion.  I’ll have a whole host of charismatic Christians mad at me for that, but I’ve seen it do way more harm than good. You’re going to have to sit down, pray, feel the sense of loss and be willing to let go.  It’s never comfortable or easy.  Now, if you feel like there is a true element of evil in your life, go for the “deliverance” folks, but you might steer clear of anyone that talks about pea soup incidents.  Redemption is right where your standing.  God doesn’t need show tricks.  Repent, pray and move forward.
Change your state and surroundings
Get rid of gifts the person gave you, move the furniture, chose something new as a focal point, clean something in depth.

Change how you look
Take a thirty day challenge to work out, to lose weight or tone, to tan, to be who you can imagine.  No matter if you’ve lost a job, relationship, an important account or even a family pet, you need to move physically and mentally to progress.

Allow goodbye to ache, but don’t live in the past
I recently said goodbye to my college family having completed graduate school.  It’s hard to know that they are already back in class and learning all that I learned in the past three years.  It’s the companionship and belonging that are hard to replace.  In my job search, that has been the key factor for potential employers: the working environment.  Pretty soon, my Facebook page will have lots of new people to talk with.  It won’t always be this lonely – it’s just a time of growth.

Be incredibly grateful
As the rain falls outside my window, I’m still in love with the view of the trees, the falling down summer porch in the middle of the yard, now covered in trees and vines…and the sound of my daughter singing at the top of her lungs in the other room.  I’m incredibly grateful that I’m here, sound of mind and heart…and so are you.  Beyond the pain and the tears, there is a sense of freedom that will come and stay with you.  It takes time, but it’s worth it.

Be the first to let go
I knew when I had hit the point of caring about someone instead of truly loving them.  I just didn’t have it in me anymore to hold on.  Being the first to let go reinstates your self confidence and power. There is nothing left for me to worry about any more.  I can say a prayer and wish the best, but my life is here. No matter what happens to me in the rest of May, I’ve slipped past yesterday and can’t revert back to that creature again.  I’ve grown past, become the Phoenix, and this new creature is at peace with moving forward.

Have a good cry
No, it’s not going to heal anything, but if you’re just having an emotional day, let the tears flow, man or woman, regardless or race, sex, creed.  Just cry.  Let the anxiety wash away, breathe out those unnecessary feelings of guilt or injustice, admit that you’re in a funk…and let it be.  Let life come to you.

Finally, realize that like the rain, things change. Be okay with the change, and allow yourself to change too.  You know, if it hadn’t snowed outside my window, there wouldn’t have been a time of earth rest; without the spring rain, nothing to grow the plants.  Without the heat of summer there is no harvest…and without the ending of fall, there is no turn.  Everything has a season and a cycle, even you.

It’s okay to feel nervous, scared or even terrified when you are on the new pathway life offered up to you.

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